As I sit here typing, I’m feeling the strong kicks and
punches of our little one inside my womb.
I’m 34 weeks along with my second pregnancy, and I can honestly say that
I didn’t expect to ever to say those words, or to feel these unique movements
again. This little one is a complete
miracle, and I am so blessed to be able to carry such a special little life
inside me. For those of you who may have
followed my blog over the last several years, you may recall hearing about some
of our infertility story. For those of
you who are new to our story, here is a snapshot of our unexpected journey over the last
several years.
We had our first child, Levi, in 2013 after 2 years of
trying. He was our first little miracle,
and we were so excited to become parents to our beautiful little boy. We knew we wanted to provide a sibling for
Levi, and started trying for baby #2 early in 2014, knowing it might take a
little while. We were not prepared for
the roller coaster of emotions to follow, or the journey that God had planned
for us.
After trying for a full year without success, we started
seeing our fertility specialists. We
started with several rounds of a basic fertility medication, combined with
regular ultrasounds to determine follicle growth, etc. This proved unsuccessful, and we felt we
needed a break from the onslaught of doctor’s appointments and tests. For the end of 2015, and the beginning of
2016, I began to pursue more natural alternatives for fertility. I sought out an acupuncturist that
specialized in fertility, started going to regular chiropractic treatments, and
I drastically changed my diet. I
followed a diet that had a low Glycemic Index, with high fiber, high protein
and low sugar foods. The diet was not
that difficult to follow (we still enjoy eating that way most of the time), and
I noticed positive changes in my cycles and overall health. I was encouraged, and kept up with this for
several months. We also seriously looked
into adoption during this time, including domestic, international and private. This was something we always felt was an
option, but never felt God strongly leading us to pursue that path.
Despite the healthy changes I was pursuing, the lack of a
positive pregnancy test slowly began to wear on me emotionally and physically,
and I found myself struggling. I had
trouble remembering important details at work, I was very impatient with my
family, and I had trouble recalling simple words in a conversation. I spiralled into depression. My family doctor recommended a leave from
work to focus on mental and physical healing, so I stepped away from my job
temporarily from the end of June until the beginning of September 2016. This time proved invaluable for my mental
health, and I began to feel more like myself again.
We began to pray earnestly about the next step in our
fertility journey, and felt led to pursue more intensive treatments. We desperately wanted a second child, and
felt that God also desired us to have a sibling for Levi. We started seeing specialists at the Aurora
clinic in Saskatoon, who recommended Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). We understood that after 3 or 4 rounds of
IUI, that the next step would likely be IVF (a much more expensive procedure),
but we were so incredibly sure that our IUI procedures were bound to be
successful. After all, the only
diagnosis we had was ‘unexplained infertility’, and every test that was
performed on Ryan and I came back normal.
There was no reason IUI shouldn’t work.
We went for our first round of IUI in January of 2017. The results came back negative. Disappointed but not discouraged, we went for
our second round in February. Again, the
results were negative. This hit us a bit
harder, so we took a break for March, and prepared ourselves mentally and
financially for our third round in April.
Negative.
We had prayed SO HARD for a positive result, and did not
understand why God had said ‘no’ to our desperate pleas. We were drained emotionally and financially,
so we decided not to pursue a fourth round of IUI or any further treatments. We just felt done.
For the rest of 2017, we asked God what He wanted us to
focus on. Obviously, a second child was
not in His plans for us at that time, so we found ourselves focusing on other
things, and just enjoying our family of three.
We decided to make some huge changes in our lives, including moving to a
different town, attending a different church, and me stepping away from my job
to allow us the ability to homeschool Levi.
We put the wheels into motion, and by the middle of 2018, we had moved
into a different home in a different community, I had quit my job, and I was
preparing to start homeschooling Levi in Kindergarten that fall.
It was an exciting year, with lots of big changes and a
fresh outlook on life. We felt that we
had some new goals to focus on, and found ourselves becoming content with where
God had placed us. We still desired a
second child, but we stepped away completely from anything fertility
related. We had downsized our home when
we moved to our new community, so we also found ourselves willingly parting
with our old baby things. We had held
onto those things long enough, and it was time to move on. We didn’t feel bitter or sad… in fact, it was
just the opposite. We felt refreshed at
this new mindset, and were encouraged to pursue new roles and
opportunities. We were amazed at how
many things had gotten set on the backburner when all our time, energy and
money was getting poured into fertility treatments.
I started a new venture as a yoga instructor, I enjoyed my
role as a homeschooling mom, and I found other new interests to pursue. It was a breath of fresh air and by early
2019, Ryan and I had both found ourselves content and happy with our family
situation and life changes. We gave our dreams
of a second child over completely to God, accepting fully that we would have an
only child, and feeling ok about it.
I feel like it is a bit cliché to assume that is what God
was waiting for, as only He knows the timing that is perfect for our lives, but
I do feel like He must have laughed a little as he watched us get rid of all
our baby things, and set up our home in anticipation of raising an only
child. Turns out, He had other plans for
our family! In late August 2019, we
found out that we were going to be parents to a second little miracle! It was with equal shock and excitement that
we processed this news, and immediately our hearts and minds wrapped around the
thought of this huge, unexpected change!
We were thrilled, as were our family and friends!
My due date in April is coming up quickly, and we are beyond
excited to meet this amazing little person that God has designed for our family!
I know there are so many couples out there who are still
praying for a child, and I don’t know why God chose us to experience a second
pregnancy. I am so humbled by this fact,
and we will not take this new round of parenthood for granted. We are so excited to see Levi grow in his new
role as a big brother, and we pray for wisdom as parents as we welcome this
little one into our family, and as we raise him or her to have a personal
relationship with Christ.
Thank you to everyone who has been a support to us already
through this pregnancy, and to those who will be there for us when this little
one arrives. We love you!
